Reconnecting

Last weekend didn’t go quite as planned but in someways that allowed for it to go even better than I had planned. Last weekend ( the 18th&19th) I competed in a pre-regional competition. The goal was to get through both my long and short program, see how well I could place, watch some of the competition and figure out the exact points of the elements in my program.

Unfortunately, my jumps were all over the place and got me almost no credit bringing my jump total almost down to nothing and my points to practically zylch. It was so frustrating to see my efforts accumlate into dead last for both days.

But it has given me an article idea so I guess that’s pretty neat. I got to competed against several girls who i competed with back in the day when we were all pretty little. we’ve all grown up but these girls are still generally sweet girls who care about each other almost as much as they care about winning.

Besides all the skating sadness that this weekend held this weekend was full of re-conecting. Saturday morning after I skated my mom and o headed to Buff State to pick up the one and only Andy Fisher and take him out to breakfast on this place on Elmwood called Pano’s! What a great morning that was!

Sunday I skated again and this time along with my parents and another family from the rink watching I had two of my dear friends from Church come and watch me. Neither Mark nor Amanda had watched me skate before so they got to see me do what i love! This was the first time I saw Mark since he went to school and the first time I saw Amanda since I can’t even tell you when! It was so wonderful to have them come out and support me! They took me out to lunch with another friend Chris and we just enjoyed a wonderful day out together!

It seems to me that the unexpected is always the best part of life!

Peachy Keen

This post should have gone up almost two weeks ago. Things have been crazy. But here it is...

I’ve started to realize that sometimes when life throws you a nectarine you just gotta pretend its a peach until one day it hits you that life is actually pretty peachy keen.

it’s so strange how things can change from year to year, age to age, and grade to grade. you go along with the same groups of friends for years sometimes and suddenly, they aren’t yours anymore. They are just names you know, faces you pass in the school hallways, and fragments of acquaintences. It hurts like hell at first. You just sit there thinking about how things won’t get better, how the days ahead will suck and how you possibly can’t be happy without these people in your lives.

But then one day it will hit you.
you’re okay.
you’re better than okay
and most importantly
you’re okay on your own.

Before this year started I asked a good friend how I should go about all of this. How should I just drop these so called people that have been my “best friends” for years? My friend responded with “just do it.” That’s what I’ve done.

I’ve started to realize that every time I’ve lost people I’ve met others. I’ve formed better friendships. I’ve learned about the people who truly count in m life and I’ve been able to let go of those who weigh me down. I guess with losing this group of girls we are even. Since after all, I’ve been holding them back from their success and happiness for years and without them I’m starting to realize I’ve spent the last three years of my life groveling, thinking that :oh they are just the bees knees” while really they’ve been driving me mad. Has it really been worth it?

During my sophomore year of high school I ran into issues with this group of girls although it was a lot less serious than the ones right now, it was still pretty bad. An outsider who I met due to the fact I had lost my friends said to me “why waste your time crying when you can be figuring out how to be happy again?” I guess I’ve spent the months of August and September on just that. Looking ahead with hope & barely glancing back except without regrets.

I’ve done my part in this whole situation. I actually groveled at first trying to make my way back into this group. It’s hit me though, why bother? I have reached the middle ground of the impossibly large chasm in between us and that’s where I will stay. If they want to make amends I will gladly take apologies. But for now, I will be here and if they never make things right then that is their loss. Life will go on, no matter what, it always does.

It amuses me however the scope of this fallout. Our tenth grade English teacher is even trying to get this friendship going again by putting up quotes to try and make us remember the good times. The past week there was one in his room that read “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” MLK JR

I won’t sit here sad. Despite the odds, I’m fairly happy. God’s prepared me and blessed me with a few enormous gifts and because of that, things have been pretty peachy keen.

I’ve made new friends. There have been new adventures and they have been nothing short of wonderous. A few weeks ago it hit me that whenever I’ve lost people better ones have found a way into my heart. Like Matt. I realized I can’t imagine not being close to him now. We’ve spent three years of high school just sort of knowing each other and after the past two months I can’t imagine how there ever wasn’t a time where we weren’t attached at the hip and absorbed by each other. It saddens me to know that it’s now in the beginning of our last year that we have discovered this friendship but at the same time, I know we will stay close. We are already making plans for staying in touch when I wind up ten hours away.

There is less than a year left here but I know I will make it count; with those who count.

Some days I just can't wait to go...

Today was the first Monday of the school year and it was just one of those days that made me go "I just can't wait to go."

My day started with trying to design the senior pages in the yearbook by myself why the other editor sat there and did her homework instead of actually helping. But maybe that was for the best since she blasts almost everything I do anyways.

After fighting with photoshop and creating a page I found to be somewhat okay to use first period came to a close and the maddness of Monday started. I found myself shuffaling along through the day fairly happy until a someone slipped a snarky hello my way. I hate that I lost my girlfriends this summer. I hate how hard it is to be around them. I hate how they make me feel like I'm just the most awful person in the entire world even though I know it's not true. It's hard to be around them but I guess that's why I'm opting to be around them as little as possible.

Then came gym class. 17 year old boys haven't learned that pants are meant to be worn around their waist and not their knees. They also haven't learned that its not creepy at all to tell girls after gym class that well "Ladies, you are the only reason I come to gym class, thanks for making it enjoyable." Like, just ew. Go away. Go grow up. I know you're girlfriend, how would she feel about this? You are just creeping every girl out in here!

Oh, then someone spit on the floor in the hallway. Like really? You are NOT an animal. You are a human being. You are INSIDE a building not out on some sports field. That's not okay. That's disgusting. You have no idea. How would you feel about walking through someone else's spit? That's nasty.

Then I saw the broken toilet.

A day like today is why NFHS has the rep it does. It frustrates me to no end.

I walked out of the building going thank goodness there are less than 365 days left.

<3 North Carolina. <3

I'll try to positive tomorrow.

The Band Fam :)

With school starting on Tuesday things have managed to get crazier. The first few days were incredibly weird with having study halls on the fourth floor (way out of the way for the six seniors who were scheduled to go there) and having to do homework for classes I hadn't even signed up for such as Forensics.

This year is just so weird. I can't comprehend being the oldest kids in band, let alone the oldest kids in the building. My friend Matt who plays trumpet and I kept glancing at each other during Jazz this week as we all played together for the first time an it didn't even sound remotely well.

We keep looking around waiting for the others to come back but I think especially with school starting we've realized, that isn't going to happen. One night after marching practice i complained o a friend how everyone else had made being a drum major look easy he said to me" then do work. it's up to us upperclassmen to make stuff run as smoothly as previous years." I feel like we've come to the conclusion that we can do just that and maybe even more.

Today was my last Peach Festival Parade and it didn't even hit me until it was over that it was. It was unbearably hot as it is almost every year. But this year it was different. I gave the commands to the band along with the other drum major and we did our salute almost perfect for the judges. We had to play the tune four times in order to make it completely through the review stand but just like that the parade was over, we took off our uniforms and we went back to the high school. We stuffed ourselves with pizza and headed to Sal Maglie stadium in order to play in the pep band for the first home football game.

The outcome of this game truly shows that this year is something else. We won. NFHS Varsity football won. Not by like a point. But by like a lot. We won 38-0. That is just UNHEARD of and slightly outrageous for out football team. But besides wining by huge amounts the best part of this football game was definitely the fact that the air show was taking place at the base here. We had the perfect view of the Thunderbirds & of a stealth bomber as they did their show!! It was an amazing sight to see!

The day truly was a terrific one as it felt like the band became the family that I have always known and loved again. I was afraid of how it would be this year, if we would befriend the underclassmen, if we would all be able to have fun together. Today made it crystal clear that we are still a family, just with new members. New members bring a new dynamic but that happens in any family. We have lots of love and we will keep on sharing it with those around us. A love for each other, and a love for making music which at the end of the day is the common thread that runs through each and every one of us.

Senior Year

Senior year starts tomorrow...say what?

It's setting in

It's starting to set in that I'm senior. That so many of the people I have loved won't be in the halls of NFHS with me this year, so many of them won't be in this part of the state, so many won't even be in this state. It's all honesty starting to seem quite scary and saddening. In the past week I've said five goodbyes each worse than the last.

One friend has already been gone for a week an even came back this past weekend for Jazz Fest which like the past two years we spent mainly together.

Last Thursday I made my way out to an Anderson's ice cream place to say goodbye to three of my best friends who are a part of the eight, occasionally nine of us who do almost everything together since Presbyterian Youth Triennium. Saying goodbye to them made reality set in. I handed the twins Jamie & Ian their grad card and gave Mark his last present. Mark over this past year has been a life savor at so many points, I really don't know what I would have done without him. We didn't become close though until one late night (all-nighter) at a lock in last december. So I took the picture of us from that night and put a Weepie's quote uderneath.

We all hugged goodbye. I went on to the last night of marching band camp (which was a disaster) and they went home. I began to sob. The next day Mark moved into school and like I've always known even if we can only talk once a day we will stay good friends.

Monday night of this week I got together with two people I've recently grown very close with who are also leaving. We spent the night laughing, not to bad for a goodbye I believe. :)

School will just be different this year, I have no doubts about that. But I'm starting to get excited for the year ( even if my schedule is a mess). I'm pretty sure that's a good thing to feel with the year starting in six days. ;)

Day 1: How do you measure a year in the life?

"Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes,

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Moments so dear

.Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes

How do you measure, measure a year?"

~RENT

As I rapidly approach the beginning of senior year I can already tell it's a year I want to document. The summer before has been nothing but chaos of love, loss, friendship, growing up, moving on, and finding peace with different things that have happened ( I'll explain more later.) School starts for me in 13 days. Just under two weeks. Two weeks until the last school year I have to call NFHS my home.

Some of what's keeping me busy this upcoming year is already starting. Last night was the first practice for Marching Band. As a Drum Major this year, it's my job as a student leader to well, lead the group. Destinee ( The other drum major and i) have to line everyone up, teach them the basics of marching and prepare them for next week when the upperclassman come in. Last night was truly exhausting but so worth it. The freshman were so nice to meet, they seem like good kids for the most part. Destinee I even matched for the practice although I forgot to take a picture of our attire.

My friends are slowly but surely heading off to college. The worst one has already left but as the week continues more leave that I know I will miss, especially during the periods of band. Jazz Ensemble will not be the same without everyone. I'm excited for them though as they head off to various locations, I know they will represent our school well and go on to do some incredible things.

I'm also busy with my figure skating as I'm training for Regionals which don't take place until mid October but are cause for major worry already at the rink. Along with training intensely, I'm trying to run the board for girls between the ages of 12-18 as we do fun things together and try to also do service projects for the community.

I've started filling out college applications. That just leaves me with more questions than answers when I start answering the questions and I put forth the time to research the answers to the last few questions I have. In all honesty, I'm getting scared. I always thought I wouldn't be.

There is so much going on. I don't want to miss it. I want to record it. For those who aren't exactly here maybe this will provide a good way to see what I'm up to. It's going to have it's ups and downs. It's going to be an adventure. It's going to be over before I know it. That's life though, isn't it?

“As you’re reading this, your life’s getting shorter. It’s ticking away. I’m not saying this to frighten you. Or even scare you. Though it may. I’m saying this to awaken you. To inspire you. To rise you out of your deep slumber. To really know you won’t live forever. To share your unique gifts. To ignite your great inner fire. To ignite your great inner strength. To ignite your great inner light. To shine. Brightly shine. To awaken your great inner beauty. To motivate. Yourself and others. To love. Yourself and others. To paint. To write. To teach. To innovate. To sing. To dance. To care. To feel. To listen. To learn. To laugh. The clock’s ticking. The world needs you. Make your move.” ~Mike Litman